Fearing the future.

I am one of many that fears the future. I fear what's gonna happen. I fear whose gonna be there and whose not gonna be there. I know it isn't good to look too much into the future. Its a mystery. Everything is coming up so fast. Just yesterday, it was my first day of high school as a freshman. I feel so worried about the future and I just wish I can stop time stay at a scene where I'm surrounded by those who I love most. And the fact that I'm in my last year of high school, I feel as if I don't want to grow any older. This is what I wanted so bad throughout my life. From the old TV shows, all I wanted to do was be older. I wanted to be in high school, I wanted to be like the kids in Boy Meets World. And now that I'm finally at the point where I'm gonna be going to college, I feel that I don't want to move forward. I feel like I want to be that little kid who doesn't care about the leftover food left all over their face. The little kid that doesn't have to worry about anything. But I can't stop time, nor can I go back. The thing that makes me the saddest is that.. I can't keep every single person who means so much to me in my life forever. There's gonna be the point where we're gonna separate from your best friends and the next thing you know, you're nothing but strangers towards one another. Although I don't want to lose anybody that I currently have in my life, I have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Talking to Randy yday, he said that this is the semester where couples seem to experience the rockiest of times bkoz they see the future, and then they get scared. Me and Quoc are two different people, and its scary koz we both have so much ahead of us. Ilovehim w/ everything. I have faith in us, I believe in us. But its hard not to be scared of what lies ahead within our relationship and generally what lies ahead within his future and my future. I am not one to plan for the future in a relationship, I am one who rather just lets things flow bkoz when those plans don't go through, it ends up hurting you in the end.

The future is scary, yet exciting. It makes me want to move forward, but then again, it makes me want to move backwards.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrows a myster and today is a gift, that's why its called the present." - Ms. Dugan/KungFuPanda.