Fearing the future.

I am one of many that fears the future. I fear what's gonna happen. I fear whose gonna be there and whose not gonna be there. I know it isn't good to look too much into the future. Its a mystery. Everything is coming up so fast. Just yesterday, it was my first day of high school as a freshman. I feel so worried about the future and I just wish I can stop time stay at a scene where I'm surrounded by those who I love most. And the fact that I'm in my last year of high school, I feel as if I don't want to grow any older. This is what I wanted so bad throughout my life. From the old TV shows, all I wanted to do was be older. I wanted to be in high school, I wanted to be like the kids in Boy Meets World. And now that I'm finally at the point where I'm gonna be going to college, I feel that I don't want to move forward. I feel like I want to be that little kid who doesn't care about the leftover food left all over their face. The little kid that doesn't have to worry about anything. But I can't stop time, nor can I go back. The thing that makes me the saddest is that.. I can't keep every single person who means so much to me in my life forever. There's gonna be the point where we're gonna separate from your best friends and the next thing you know, you're nothing but strangers towards one another. Although I don't want to lose anybody that I currently have in my life, I have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Talking to Randy yday, he said that this is the semester where couples seem to experience the rockiest of times bkoz they see the future, and then they get scared. Me and Quoc are two different people, and its scary koz we both have so much ahead of us. Ilovehim w/ everything. I have faith in us, I believe in us. But its hard not to be scared of what lies ahead within our relationship and generally what lies ahead within his future and my future. I am not one to plan for the future in a relationship, I am one who rather just lets things flow bkoz when those plans don't go through, it ends up hurting you in the end.

The future is scary, yet exciting. It makes me want to move forward, but then again, it makes me want to move backwards.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrows a myster and today is a gift, that's why its called the present." - Ms. Dugan/KungFuPanda.

When things fall apart.

It sucks when friendships fall apart. Some for the right reasons, some for the wrong reasons, but either way, you're losing the friendship that used to mean something to you or still does mean something to you. Its reaally hard to deal with the downfall of a friendship. You see, friendships and relationships share differences and similarities. But one thing that happens in building a friendship/relationship to actually having a strong one is that in both relations, you're giving your heart to that someone, putting your trust in them. It may sound weird, but that's what I believe. I give my heart to everyone so close to me. And it honestly just sucks if they basically don't take it into consideration, taking you for granted. And so we wonder why people take one another for granted w/ friendships & relationships.

An explanation?



I couldn't even tell you why.. But I wish I knew.

abcdefghijkLENG: Okay, I'll blog just for you.

I believe that the greatest life changing people come in when your life just seems to be crashing down. I think that I currently have the greatest people in my life. And with them being with me, I find myself more in love with life. Its pretty ironic how things may finally fall into place when everything just seems to be falling apart. Thinking about it, I'm just thankful for all the support that I have.

Other than that, I feel like I'm on top of the world. Hand in hand with someone who I honestly can't say is the love of my life, but the LIFE of my love. What I mean by that, is with him, he brings life to this love. Even though we fall down, I find myself being picked up and held in his arms while he tells me the boo boos will be all right and will go away. He always makes me feel like I'm constantly falling for him, with new lessons to learn of falling more and more in love with him. Our relationship is the relationship that I've always wished for. From 2007 and now its 2009. No time to think too much ahead, koz its just the beginning.

"You won't realize the distance you've walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been."

Even though we always fights and disagree on things, we've come a long way to let each other go over something stupid.

I know we're young and its not good to plan ahead, but right now, I want so much for my heart to be forever yours<3

.

I have like, negative time to blog. Sorry. This week and the following week will be hell. I'll try to blog later.

Awake.

I just woke up from a nap and damn, I'm tired koz I didn't quite know where the fck I was. Haha. I came back to my senses and figured I was in my bed. I've had negative sleep and it sucks. So much shit to do this week and next week. Fuck, lets just say that this whole week is pretty fuckin' crucial.

Anyways, for some reason, I feel like somethings missing. Idk what, but its something. Something like, when you find out you're leaving to go out of town and you pack your stuff with the quickness, no checklist. Then you get in the car, think about the shit you brought and you're like, fck.. I feel like I'm missing something. That's how I feel right now and I hate the feeling O_o

The week is going by pretty fast, getting closer to greenbizz. I'm excited as hell to get it off my shoulders. Yet, I'm hella scared to present. I'm not a good presenter. I need to work on it before I shit myself on stage.

Fck my life, school sucks.

<3

Well, although we argued "last night", we kinda talked this morning, settled things. And just seeing him pretty much gave me the giggles. And everything was okay. The day went by pretty fast and I just couldn't let go of him:] But yeah. Baby came over afterschool. And we laid together and conversated about random things, then fell asleep. I absolutely loved it. I absolutely love him. And I know it. Reading my horoscope, it said that I'm gonna be with someone whose willing to go thru 2009 with me. Although I don't want to plan for the future, I'm hoping that its him that I go through 2009 with<3

Other than that, I pretty much love it so far. I have the best family, friends & Boyfriend. I couldn't ask for more.


Dates & countdowns to special days;

January12: 6 more days until Dad's and sissaKelly's birthday.

January15: 9 more days til greenbizz.

January28: 22 more days until baby's birthday.

Goodnight, world.

Virgin fckin' blog.

So this is a first. Haha, so I guess I moved to blogspot, rather than Xanga koz its more fun. I have school later on today and I basically CANNOT go to sleep. Baby came back from LA today and we got into an argument, which isn't the proper welcoming=| feels like shit, I'm always the one left awake, having to deal with the fact that the night got left on a bad note. Probably, the whole break.. The alone time that we've got with each other was not enough. We haven't reaally had a conversation on the phone and when we tried to have a conversation awhile ago, things didn't reaally go as I hoped they would go. All the misunderstanding led to arguing, like he said, about something stupid. It was stupid and we both made it seem like none of wanted to admit that we were wrong. But as I always say, in a relationship.. Both are blamed, bkoz you shouldn't be fighting in the first place. We're both at fault. First fight of 2009, and our New Year's Resolution is barely taking ANY action. Goodnight world.