<3 day.

Was fun:]

Finally, I'm off from restriction and it feels good to finally be able to go out again.

<3day, Baby and me spent time. And we went to Thanh's birthday party.

Overall, it was fun.

in the morning, I found myself always waking up from excitement to finally spend time with baby. I woke up at about 7 and baby made it here around 8ish. We cooked breakfast together and watched movies and then took a nap. I loved just being with him. It was great:] after we went to Thanh's. theFAM was together again and the weekend felt complete since we haven't chilled in hella long. Ilovedit.
In all,
Happy Birthday, Thanh! &
Happy Birthday, Kuya VJ!

I'm sleepy. Update later=] goodnight.

I can't move forward.

Somehow, I can't come into terms of ever forgiving her. I come close to opening the door for her to accept her back in my life, and end up stepping back with the chance of hearing more fcked up shit that result in the reason of me leaving. I mean, how can someone ONLY want you around financially. And the time staying there, I was pretty much dead to them. Now that I'm gone from that house, I can honestly say that I miss being there, I miss her, I miss my little brother. But then, there's that side that snaps me back into reality and makes me feel that it will never work out between me and my mother and that we will never have a restored relationship. From this downfall, I'm still mad as hell. But only forgiving comes when I seem to want her in my life due to all this time passing by in fear of forever losing her if one day, God decides to take her with him. I'm just so confused, koz hey.. How can you lose something that'd you've never actually had?.. A steady relationship w/ my mother, actually being happy in her presence, actually feeling accepted/wanted? So bad, I just don't want to hate her, but there's all these new reasons that just make me never want to come in contact with her.

.

I cannot keep up anymore. I'll blog later tho, promise.